Speak English, Goddammit!

The Verbal Advantage ads on the radio start with, "Whether it's fair or not, people judge you by the words you use . . .," and, of course, by how you use them. Too many people today have no interest in correct vocabulary, or proper grammatical usage. It's simple: the better you can communicate, usually the better you'll be understood. And for that rare individual listener or reader who's got a commensurate education and proper discipline in English usage, and who's paying attention, you can really set yourself apart as brighter and more articulate.

So . . . read up, and get your usage and your syntax and your vocabulary right, for Chrissakes:

It's incorrect usage to talk about how an organization, group, or other non-human entity has been "reticent;" this is non-applicable anthropomorphizing. The adjective itself is individual-related, and specifically human in its usage. The adjective describes a person or state or person who does not speak or does not wish to speak. The adjective describes oral communication, not written. When in doubt, use "reluctant" instead.

There is no such thing as "aksing" a question. An "axe," or "ax" is a sharp tool used to chop or split wood. The word "aks" does not exist in the English language. Discipline yourself to speak correctly; the word is "ask," an interrogative verb meaning to pose a question or query, or to make a request. When indulging in this failure, you do set yourself apart, whether intentional or not. You may be making a societal/cultural statement, a bold assertion of affiliation and even defiance. Sure, that's up to you, if you choose to make this kind of statement. For those who pay attention, who are educated, and who make hiring and promotion decisions, though, you set yourself apart as ignorant and unwilling to engage in the kind of intellectual discipline which demonstrates a desire for either basic speech correctness or self-improvement.

There is no such word as "irregardless." The correct usage is "regardless," such as "Regardless of whether Steve is there or not, the event will continue on schedule." Don't confuse this with "irrespective" or "immaterial," both of which are legitimate usage, although the definitions of both are somewhat esoteric and opportunities for use are rare.

"Textspeak" is fine for your cell phone or IM conversations, but it makes you look like a lazy, trendy idiot when you use it in formal written communication. This includes office email. Realize that there’s a difference between formal written correspondence and cellphone or computer chat. Your audience very well may understand what you are attempting to communicate, but you’ll come off looking like a limited, arrogant fool.

It's not "jew-leh-ry," the correct word is "jew-el-ry." You don't talk about the value of a collection of "jewlehs," so why would you talke about "jewlehry?" The word is "jewel," just add a "-ry" on the end.

Same thing with "realtor." This person sells "re-al-ty," so therefore is a "re-al-tor," not a "re-la-tor." Simple discipline, that's all there is to it. When you give in to this common laziness, you come across as a bumpkin. You may be the smartest guy/gal in the room, but when you open your mouth and this inane noise comes out, you prove immediately that you're not.

It’s not “ex-specially;” the word is “especially." That's "eh-spe-shally."

There’s a difference between “insure” and “ensure.” The former is about taking out commercial protection against loss. The latter is about taking pains to make sure that a task is completed.

Get your mind around “lie,” “lay,” and “laid,” realizing that they are all different in spelling and meaning, and that meaning changes within context--they are not interchangeable. The first is verb about telling falsehoods and a physical body in a prone or prostrate position. The second is an active verb having to do with placing an object in a place, with implied caution or care, such as laying a document on a table. There, of course, is the one about the chicken laying an egg, again echoing the implication of caution, given the delicate nature of the egg. “Lay” is also the simple past tense of lie, but only in the prone/prostrate usage, such as, “After the race I was tired, so I lay on the bed a while.” The last is a past-tense verb of “lay,” and also a street slang gerund usage for sexual activity, usually intercourse.

Know your use of italics. They can and should be used for book or magazine titles, or titles of formal works, such as a film. Italics also usually are used for foreign words or phrases, and you don’t use quotation marks, that is, unless you are quoting something. Underlining can take the place of italics. Italics also are used for emphasis in narrative. When writing all in italics, the use of non-italicized script serves the same purposes.

In a bulletized list in narrative text, there is no punctuation at the end of the text. Punctuation within the text, such as a comma or a semi-colon is okay, but there is no period, nothing at the end of the text.

Get your use of “its” and “it’s” straight. The former is a possessive pronoun of something inanimate/gender-neutral. The latter is a contraction for “it is.” The two are not interchangeable, nor are they synonymous.

Pluralization never uses an apostrophe.

There is no such thing as "preventitive." The correct word is "preventive." Drop the extra syllable.

The word is not "lecktrissty;" it's "e-lec-tri-ci-ty." There are two extra syllables in there that need pronouncing. The former is for tralier-trash morons. The latter is for someone who wants to be precise and correct in language usage.

The word is not "supremist," as is frequently heard when people are talking about hate groups. There is no such word. The correct word is "supremacist," originating from the word "supremacy."

I'm no highly trained mechanic for high-end British motorcars, but I think a "Jagwire" is an electrical component you would find in a Jaguar automobile. Or maybe a tracking system that a large feline zoologist might employ. Maybe even an electrical component that someone in the military Judge Advocate General (JAG) corps would use. The car is pronounced "JAG-wahr," or the very, very English pronunciation, "JAG-you-are." Pick one, one of the two correct ones, and use it.

There is no such word as "fustrate." There are a couple that are close, such as "fustian," (highflown or affected writing or speech) "fustic," (the wood of the chlorophora tinctoria, or its dye), and my personal favorite, "fustigate," meaning either to beat with a club or to criticize severely. If you intend to say "frustrate," then pronounce the "fr" at the beginning of the word to make yourself understood. You wouldn't talk about "Fankenstein" this way, especially not to his face. You wouldn't ask for a plate of "fanks and beans" at the church picnic, would you?

What exactly is "foeward?" Is that moving in the direction of an enemy? I think people are trying to say "forward," which is properly pronounced, "FORE-ward." It's pretty simple, really..

Then there's "temperchur." People talk about the weather, and out comes this slurred and lazy slag. The correct word is "TEMP-er-a-ture." Again, it's pretty straightforward, and shows discipline and respect for the language when it's done correctly.

Note that the word "strength," the noun form of "strong," has a "g" in it, just like the noun form, and neither of those is a silent "g." Do not pronounce this word "strenth;" there's no such thing. You wouldn't say, "He's become very stron because of his consistent strenth training," would you? Be consistent, and be correct.

I heard an NPR reporter speaking this morning of "...Congressional staffers being in the mist of crafting the legislation to..." Nope, wrong. Being in the mist is something gorillas do. Pronounce the "d" in the word, "midst." It derives from "mid," meaning to be in the center of, in the middle of, or in the process of.

Heard some she-gomer talking this morning on the wireless about her "frigerator." Sorry there, Brandine, but there's no such word. I think you were under the assumption that you were saying "refrigerator," but you missed that first syllable. Try a little harder next time. Or, you can use the commonly accepted term "fridge."

There are two "L"s in the word "vulnerable," and both need to be pronounced. I keep hearing "vuh-nerable"--wrong. Gotta pronounce that first "L." You can't miss the initial L in describing Mr. Spock as a Vulcan, not without running the risk of a dire insult, although I'll note that Dr. McCoy did just that, inspired, really, at the beginning of the climactic death scene in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan when he asked Spock if he was "out of his Vuh-can mind."

I keep hearing people saying "foeward" when it's clear they think they're saying, "forward." The first syllable derives from "fore," meaning to the front or ahead, so the pronunciation is "FORE-ward." Two r's in there, and both need to be pronounced.

Then, of course, is the gooberrific "POE-lice" and "AM-buh-LANCE." I just love to hear both of these gems, the best part being that they're usually used in concert, even in the same sentence. These are just so good, I can't bear to ask the gomers to let it go, their lower jaws thrust out so prominently, their stained, uneven teeth protruding so jauntily as they stress the wrong syllables, slog through the pronunciation. It's just too good.

This observation naturally leads to a discussion of "fittin'," as in, "Mamma's fittin' to bust a gut over that 'lecktrick bill..." This usage is a mangling of "fixing," as in "preparing to" or "about to..." But some folks just love that down-home yammering that seems to grant the speaker some sort of bottomland cachet, some sort of bib-overall legitimacy. Sure, whatever floats your swamp boat.

I smile when I encounter the pure idiocy of people who say "berfday" when they're talking about someone's birthday. "Berf" is not a word, nor is the alternate spelling, "birf." There's "barf," of course, even "borf," but sorry, "berf" is just plain incorrect.

Then there are the folks who can't get past "fitty" when they're attempting to say the number "fifty." "Fitty" could be construed as an awkward adjective describing someone in a fit, or prone to fits, but is still incorrect usage. Step up a level of education and social stature, and make an effort to pronounce that second "f" in "fifty;" it's not that difficult.

Then there is the enemy catch-all, so popular these days with politicians and Christian broadcasters. It is, of course, terrorism. Note that the word is "ter-or-is-m," four syllables. Unfortunately, our Idiot-In-Chief can't get it right himself, and the mindless rabble that make up the American electorate follow along blindly, naturally. He says, "terr-is-m," leaving out an entire syllable. So, it follows logically, and he's proven it in his public utterances, a person who engages in this activity is a "terrist." Yup, that's the gomer approach to the problem, just shorten it all down. Remember, the root word is "terror," two syllables. It's not "terr."

Same thing with "horror," and not "hor/hore." One needs to pronounce two distinct syllables there, otherwise run the risk of serious insult to an unintended and likely female target. A "hor-ror" movie would be Phantasm or The Exorcist, whereas a "hor" movie would be Pretty Baby, The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Taxi Driver, or anything with Paris Hilton in it. Ah, but I digress.

And then there's the wonderfully descriptive yet somewhat complex verb, "deteriorate." That's five separate syllables describing a degradation in quality, stature, character, value, or substance. Unfortunately, many lop off a syllable, splurting out "deteriate" instead. No, wrong, no such word. Take the time to say the entire thing, and you'll come off intelligent and well-read.
There's an "r" in the prefix "infra." No such sound, in English, as "infah." So no, it's not "infahstructure," or "infahred." Discipline yourself to make that mellifluous "r" sound, and you'll not make yourself look like an idiot.

Ooh, another good one is the dumbass-sounding "supposably" when one is trying to say "supposedly." One simple mispronounced syllable, and you go from describing the way something should be or is purported to be to some kind of goober-nonsense word.

The leaves on the trees are not "foy-lage." No such word. The word is "foliage," and is pronounced just as it's spelled. One can go with the quick "foal-yej," or stretch it it on out to the more lyrical and refined "foe-lee-ej." Your choice, but at least do it the right way.