Dreamtime

I think it was a Sunday. We most definitely hadn't been at church, but we'd been out somewhere, and were dressed nicely. Maybe not a Sunday, just some kind of summer afternoon function. You asked, and we stopped at the little cafe/coffee house near the house. Sure, no problem, always fun to just stop and enjoy life a little bit. Always ready to take some time out for something enjoyable, something to remember next week, or 20 years from now. Always ready to do something out of the ordinary, out of the schedule, off the cuff. We don't do it enough.

But that clearly wasn't what you were about. Right away you made noises that you wanted to be left alone. I took the hint and backed off, right on out the door, taking the kids with me. It looked to me like you had a headache, felt sick or something. Why don't we just don't go on home if you don't feel well? It's so close by, just right around the corner. You gave me that unmistakable sign, the head down with your face obscured by your hair, your hands at the side of your head but not touching, fingers splayed out and stretched as far and straight as you could get them. A silent scream of "Leave me alone." Could be pain, frustration, or rage. No matter, just gotta get out. Yup, I got that message. Time to just back off, give you plenty of space. Let the waitress take the abuse and the fury upon intruding.

I was across the street, in a kind-of abandoned building. Maybe not abandoned, just free and open to general use, in some kind of mysterious, undefined way. Only about three stories, I was on a kind of outside fire escape, just going up and down, thrilled to be climbing up the outside of a building, up to the roof to take a look around, see what could be seen from up on top, just going up to be able to look down, get a different point of view. I could see the kids playing at the playground right next door, totally engrossed in sand and grass.

And I could see right into the cafe, too. I found our table, and you weren't there. I right away looked to the car and the path between it and the door, and nothing. Then to the kids, and you weren't anywhere near them. Moving quickly, I began to scan the area, and you were nowhere to be found. Soon enough I began at our table again. I took a quick look at the floor of the cafe (this taking place as if I were looking right through the roof/ceiling of the place, able to see the entire floor layout, all of the tables, a Sims view of the place), and there you were at a big table right at the front window. There was a huge group there, maybe 20 in all, all kinds of folks, young and old, black and white, men and women, and everyone was having a great time. You were laughing and yapping and clearly having a great time, animated and beaming. Everyone clearly knew everyone else. Strange, I thought.

So I climbed on down and headed in, keeping my eyes on you. As I hit the door, you were watching for me, and I saw you notice me coming in. Right away it was back to the head-down posture, as if in pain, or exasperation. It seemed everyone at the table was in on whatever it was, as they all went silent, looking at me. I approached you, touched your back, and you gave a little movement as if flinching from pain, avoiding something. Another message through loud and clear: don't touch me. I asked if you were okay, and you hissed that you just wanted to be left alone. Okay, no problem, I'll be outside with the kids.

As I exited the place, you were still head-down, your forehead in your hands, your face obscured by your hair. I couldn't quite figure it out, what exactly was going on. I went across to the fire escape again, after checking on the kids, who were now all over the jungle gym. Up to my vantage point again, and the entire table was now empty. In the space of the ten minutes I'd taken, everyone was gone. So I began my search patterns again, finding nothing. You weren't with the kids, or in or near the car, and in no position inside or outside the cafe. You weren't ready to go, or else you'd be somehwere near the car, eager to move.

And there was the pool, next to the cafe. Big sprawling thing, a huge pool, with tons of splashing folks in it. And there you were, right in the middle of it. It looked like some kind of water polo game, and you were totally into it, swimming, splashing, and again a purely joyous smile on your face. You were having the time of your life. Again, you seemed to know everyone in the group, and they you. Some of them were the same as in the cafe, some new. Everyone was having a great time playing in the water.

That was it. I climbed down, told the kids to get ready to leave soon, giving them that cushion of warning to make the intolerable pain of being forced to leave more bearable, and sat and watched them play for 15 minutes more. What in the fuck was going on? Who were all of those folks? You'd never mentioned a group like that before? And why the subterfuge with the headache? Or was it even a headache? Was it just clear fury and rejection, and I'm too stupid to see it? Maybe. Either way, if you couldn't give me the courtesy of even telling me, of jerking me and the kids around with the cafe and the table and the pool, then you could have the group. Have fun with them, because we're headed home. You know the way, and it's not far. See you later. Or maybe not.

The kids and I headed to the truck. They wanted to know where you were, and I had nothing to tell them, and wouldn't lie to them. I couldn't tell them you were in the pool, or they'd want to go as well. You'd just be home a little bit later.

And I wondered what would happen then.