The Great Beyond

Ah, the nature of "heaven." Of course, I don't believe in God or any Supreme/Divine Being, no overarching omnipotent power is out there, save from the inexorable and undeniable power(s) of the physical universe, which we only now are starting to truly figure out.

But what of heaven? Where is it? Up above, in the clouds? Out there in space, and if so in space, where? Close-by, like near the moon, or in the solar system, or somewhere else in our galaxy? Outside the galaxy? On an entirely different spatial reality? Sure, I guess that's better than being underground, what with all that dampness, humidity, the perpetual coolness which would be horrible for those with circulation problems. Of course, if you go too far down, it starts to get hot, and that's just not right, is it?

Or is heaven just all around? Do dead people/spirits/souls/angels/whatever look 'down' on us, the living, from up on high? Somewhere in an undefined "up there?" Or are they right here, just hovering, looking over my shoulder as I write this bit of personal philosophy and wonder? Of course, there is the advantage of looking down, being able to more or less see all. There are the clear moral and status implications as well, we puny mortals being looked down upon by those who have ascended to a better station. What, all those angels think they're better than me?! Just wait until I get up there . . .

Do those in heaven have the ability to see through everything? Does my truly angelic, wonderful, saintly, but still dead grandmother watch when I have deliciously graphic and mutually enjoyable yet truly nasty sex with my wonderful wife? Does my dead high school buddy watch me when I jerk off? Can anyone who's in heaven just tune in to this kind of stuff, or is it like celestial pay-per-view? Does God have the ultimate parental lock-out on this, and who gets the privilege? Do angel-children see this kind of thing? Or is the power to see restricted? And if so, who is the gatekeeper for these kinds of powers?

If all the good folks (and animals too, if we're to believe the conventional wisdeom) who have ever been are in heaven, do I get to talk to them? I'd love to sit and ask a few questions of Mark Twain, Lincoln, FDR, Joseph Heller, Mother Teresa, Lenin, Andrew Jackson, a few of the popes, and a whole bunch of others. But I can't be the only one who'd like to do this, right? I'd expect JFK and RFK and MLK Jr. have got a zillion people waiting to talk to them, right? The popes must pretty much have a huge schedule, with a gigantic wait-list. On the Celestial Plane lecture circuit, I'd expect they'd have a very full schedule. So how do they handle that? So they have assistants? Who manages their schedules, and how is this done if heaven is absolute bliss? I guess there must be celebrity dopes up in heaven as well, who'd be glad to spend eternity being a dead-famous persons doormat.

Does anyone get to have a talk, just walk up and start asking? Can I just stroll up to Joan of Arc and ask her a few questions? Or do I have to make an appointment? Given that it's Eternity, after all, would I get an appointment for next week, or next month, or sometime in 2255? Wouldn't these guys get tired of the same questions and giving the same answers over and over? Giving a seminar would be easier, but that would be taxing as well. You'd think they'd get tired of doing that. Given the sacrifices they made in terrestrial life (JFK, though, not so much sacrifices as rampant sexual consumption, interspersed with public service, but I digress), I'd think some of these guys and gals, like maybe Mother Teresa, would just like to relax for a few thousand years, have a daquiri by the pool, put their angelic feet up, read a book, take a nap, catch a massage and a schwitz, that kind of thing. Given the fact that there are no infirm or sick or terminal or defected in any way up in heaven, the earthly heroes like Mom Teresa would be out of a job, without a reason for being around, other than enjoying the rewards of their respective mortal sacrifices.

Maybe a celestial web site would be the thing, with FAQs and such. Maybe that would be a way to deal with all of the questions. But who is the sysadmin in heaven? Can I still access the color printer and scanner, even if I travel?

Of course, Adam and Eve and all of the Biblical heavies would be up there. Do I get to talk to them, too? Ask any question I'd like? Or are they in, like, the VIP area of heaven, set apart, behind the really really golden velvet rope?

What about appearance, clothing? Are we all clothed? If so, what is it? Are we wearing tunics and togas like an Italian gladiator movie, something out of a bad 1960s Olympus n' the Gods film, or will be wearing suit and tie? Can I wear an all-white vested leisure suit in brushed polyester? And on the next day, faded red denim cut-offs and a white wife-beater with rainbow suspenders? Can I go tux every day, and hange with all of the former James Bondses? Does everything have to be white, or do we have a choice of colors as well? Can I dress like Johnny Cash? Or maybe like Marilyn Manson, if that's what I prefer? And if clothes are worn, are they mandatory or optional? If I'm most comfortable, if my soul truly prefers no clothes, am I allowed to go nekkid? And how would that kind of option sit with the heavenly souls of the likes of repressed, controlling, restrictive reactionaries like Jesse Helms, Joseph McCarthy, J. Edgar Hoover, and the way-more-holy-than-me popes and saints (assuming they're up there, which I really doubt in the case of McCarthy and Hoover, and then some)?

If heaven's about personal realization and ultimate happiness, does everyone truly get to do what they want, or are there rules? Who makes the rules, and how are they enforced? Do we have to follow rules? Even the idea of rules in heaven kind of belies the publicly advertised nature of the place.

Or are we just nekkid up there in heaven? Other than death, which in heaven is a non-issue, this is the ultimate leveler. We'd all get a gander at the true nature of each other, which would go a very long way to putting everyone on equal footing. It would also, ahem, confirm and expose a number of myths and legends (I'm talking to you, Dillinger, Tom Jones, etc.). But again, the uptight and high-strung in life wouldn't go for this, not one bit. Would they have a say in this, and if forced to go starkers, couldn't they successfully argue this as punishment, which is kind of against heavenly policy, I'd guess. So is there just a celestial nudist area, behind a gigantic gauze curtain of finest spun angel hair? And what happens if someone gets caught peeking? Is peeking allowed?

So is heaven about retention of our unique identities, developed through our years of human experience and existence, or is there a fundamental shift in who/what we are? If this is true, then are we really still ourselves? If heaven is heaven, don't we get to keep our identities, our intimate knowledge of and familiarity with our unique self? If heaven is all that it's cracked up to be, this would have to be the answer. Anything else would be a corruption of what we're being told to live up to in human existence. If we're not who we are in heaven, then who are we?

And what about babies that die in childbirth, or at age 1 or 2? Are they still all goo-goo and bawling and crapping and puking, as they were in life, or is there some kind of celestial zapper that gives them maturity and self-consciousness and a sense of self? If all of the anti-abortion folks are so concerned about fetuses (never mind the entire abortion debate--not the place for it), what is the nature of these little guys and gals in heaven? Are they still little wrinkled fetuses with wings and harps, or are they all Harvard-educated think-tank professionals? What kind of process changes or matures or grows them on up?

As I conceive of heaven, at least the concept of heaven bellowed by those who want to control and corral me, it's me, my unique person and spirit and essence, except in an undefined Great Beyond. Okay, I take that to mean I keep my consciousness; I am aware of myself, which pretty much makes me aware of others and their unique selves. The physical existence question aside, I am what I am, conscious of my existence, and of that around me, body or not. I retain my thoughts and desires, likes and dislikes. But do I retain my prejudices? Ideally, the answer is no. If I were a racist, would I be in heaven, even if I were a generally good guy, who never did anything bad? If I'm prejudiced against the stupid and ignorant, does that fade when I move on up? If I'm prejudiced against liver or pate' or eating organ meats, does that also disappear when I move up? If so, what's the process, and what's the point?

Given this, I guess the Big Question is: Is there free will in heaven? If we have free will here on earth, however we choose to use it, isn't the ultimate freedom of release from earthly/physical limitations and pains also the ultimate freedom to do whatever we choose? Do we get to think, or even act, as we choose? Or is the Higher Power still in control, dictating choices and thoughts and actions?

If we're still conscious up in heaven, and assuming just getting there removes any real doubts about higher powers and such, won't we still just keep on asking questions? I could think of a few: What happens next? Where do I go from here? What is the point of being here in heaven? What was the point of being down on earth? Can I communicate with those whom I've left behind? If so, how? If not, why not? Who's in charge, and when can I get an appointment?

If I don't like spinach on earth, will I like it in heaven? Will it be a menu option at the Great Holy Cafeteria In The Sky? Or do I get to eat burritos and french fries every day, with clam dip and Oreo ice cream for dessert? If I despise politicians and criminals and liars and the abusers of children on earth, will I just automatically like them in heaven (assuming some few get in)? Will I have to interact with them? Will they be "cured?" Do I have to respect the death cell confession and plea for absolution of the condemned criminal who murdered his wife and children, or do I get to keep my abiding earthly loathing for a person like that? If I despise the sanctimonious, the hypocritical, the abusive, the opportunistic, and the manipulative here and now, do I have to like them up in Heaven? Do I get to make that choice, or are there structures in place to force me to think otherwise? And if I'm being made to think/conceive otherwise, how is this heaven?

Ah, the "soul." That's who we are in heaven, right? So who are we here? Is the soul separate from our human conscious identity? Do we know ourselves and know our soul, or is it something unaccessible? Do we retain our human consciousness, an awareness of self, an ability to make judgements based on experience, education, observation, and influence? Are we as disembodied souls all-knowing, all places at once? If so, what's the point of having an opinion?

Here's a scenario that kind of encapsulates my musings on this: My maternal grandmother died in 1986. She was probably the single most wonderful person I've ever known. She was a tea-totaling evangelical Christian, non-smoker, active in her church and community, yet never beat me over the head with any of it, even as I grew up and clearly moved away from just about all of this kind of life. She was a great cook, kind, quiet, thoughtful and wise, just the nicest lady in the world, the single nicest, most wonderful person I've ever known in my life. If anyone is in Heaven, she's right there, her celestial recliner right there next to Gawd and Jeezus. So, if she's up there, why hasn't she come to visit me? I've asked her to, lots of times, but nothing. Is she allowed to visit? If so, why doesn't she show up? If not, why is that? Is it the old "There shalt be no meddling in the affairs of puny humans!" bit?

But then again, I wonder about what she may have seen. I am a very different person than she. Just in the years since 1986, I've not been the greatest guy in the world. I'm no perv or criminal, but I'm also not her. Drank, a lot, and to excess, a lot. Lots of self-abuse and fornication in there, too. A little bit of theft, but all of it petty. Some lying and cheating, but nothing major. I've done things I'm not necessarily proud of, and wouldn't put on a resume', but at the same time, I'm no criminal, and have only been cruel to those who (in my opinion) have earned and deserved it. I'd think in the overall thrust of things, on the Grand Tally in the Sky, that I'd be definitely on the green side of positive. I take care of my friends and family, give support, give to charity, am honest and fair in those I meet, etc. But is my departed grandmother looking down at me, looking down on me, like, all of the time? As I write this? Is she watching when I abuse myself? Does she hear my filthy thoughts when I glimpse an attractive lady on the street, or on the TV? Does she hear my murderous mutterings when I'm cut off on the drive home? If she's got a conscious, self-aware soul, and she's up there in heaven, I'd think she'd have a passing interest in monitoring me and a few others, right? And is she judging me, seeing all of the things that I do that I'd never in a zillion years admit to her? And if and when I ever get to heaven myself, how does all of this get reconciled? Is the slate wiped clean? If so, how? Do those in heaven just forget about it all? Or is it just accepted that this is the way humans are, frail and petty and weak and selfish and ultimately disappointing? And when you make it to heaven yourself that's some kind of Divine Validation, and what you did on earth was just what all people do, what you do to get by, kind of like a wiseguy in prison?

Or are we just pure energy, our souls without any aspect of physical presence? Are we like the Providers in the "Gamesters of Triskelion" episode of the original Star Trek (man, I just gave myself away as a massive TV nerd here . . .), pure energy yet fully self-aware? This tends to make more sense, in a lot of ways, and serves the needs of the heaven-needy to make most of my questions about the nature of the Great Beyond irrelevant.

If we're this way, a type of multi-planar, multi-dimensional energy presence, then are we bounded by space-time? Are we stuck looking down at earth day after day, tied somehow to the planet, to the species, to its agonizingly slow progress of time and its confining physical space? Or are we truly free? Can I fold space and zap off to Jupiter to see that the surface really looks like? Can I pop over to Alpha Centauri to see if there are planets capable of supporting life? Can I go anywhere in the uinverse I want to, explore it? Can I pass through a black hole? If there are other dimensions, will they be accessible to me? And if not, why? Are there physical limitations? If there are physical limitatsions, how can this be, given that God is omnipotent and the Main Man when it comes to every single aspect of creation and existence? Or is he just not giving me access to this kind of neato action? If so, why? If I've been good enough on earth to earn a place in Heaven, why can't I get into the other areas? Why are they walled off? Does this make heaven another holding area, another place to prove yourself before you're allowed to ascend/morph to another level of existence? How would we know this now, or is this a secret kept until you get there?

If this line of reasoning is accurate, doesn't it play directly itno the hands of those who believe in reincarnation? If successive levels of existence are out there, and there are things to be done, gates through which to pass in each plane of existence, doesn't it make sense that eventually you will either mandatorily end up right back here, or maybe even be given the choice to return to earthly physical existence? Or are there an infinite number of options for existence? does this make sense, and is it possible?

Man, I started this just thinking about whether we're naked in heaven, and I've gotten myself to a place from which I don't know where to go . . . Gotta think a bit more about these questions and issues.