Flat Squirrel

It happened on the parkway this morning, headed into town and yesterday's leftover edits. I saw the squirrel dart toward the edge of the concrete on the oncoming side, its tail whipping in excitement, arousal, anticipation, whatever the hell that manic bushy tail movement communicates. An SUV passed, and he took off, across the two lanes in no time flat. He was safe in the tall grass in the median. Now woud he wait? He was still a good 150 yards in front of me, and I was right at 50 mph. There were plenty of cars in the two lanes of my traffic, three in the left lane and four in front of me in the right lane.

And off he went. I saw quick brake lights in a left-lane SUV, then a flash of gray. I said out loud, "He won't make it," and he darted right under the wheels of a big sedan three cars in front of me. No brake lights at all. No bump or unusual movement from the car. No sounds. It shot on out to the right, into a turn lane, and I thought to myself how I didn't want to see that horrible frantic death wriggle, that insane animal bicycling of the dying legs in the air, the horrific instinctive twisting of the body to get up and move, and the certainty of the incredible pain coursing through the little critter. I'd seen it before with a goose hit on a highway, a small blizzard of white and gray feathers right in front of me, and those horrible whirling black webbed feet flailing as I went on by, a smashed body and wings at horrible angles, absolutely nothing I could do.

And I was relieved, surprised at myself how I was transfixed, that there was no movement at all. No blood, just a still little furry corpse in the turn lane, which would be smashed-flat carrion in just another hour or two. Sad, sure, but then again, it was just a squirrel, there was nothing I could do, and I hadn't been the one to hit it.

And this was the start to the day, a very stark reminder of the whipcrack finality of life and especially death, how if you don't pay attention or if you act recklessly it'll all be over before you can even utter a startled gasp. Squirrels aren't people, no, but they die just as easily and just as quickly, and when it's done, there's no going back at all.

I made sure to hug my kids really well when I got home, and told them more than the usual amount of times over dinner and at bedtime how proud of them I am, and how much I love them.