That Smug, Sneaky, Interrupting Weasel

Went to a mtg the other day, downtown. Big building, lots of security. Badges, lanyards, armed guards, vehicle barriers, metal detectors, the whole important bit. Had a sit-down with a relatively important guy about a relatively important subject, something that’s already public and is likely to get bigger in the coming months and years. Nothing crucial now, but as I see it, a possibly very important mtg in the overall History of Things, possibly, sometime way on down the line. Probably not, just my own sense of possible future history making connections that likely won’t occur.

And this relatively important guy, uh, let’s call him Mr. Schwanz, led off. After all, we were on his turf, in his conference room, and he was the most senior in rank. So by default he’s the guy in charge. He took charge of the festivities pretty quickly, I was happy to see. No pussy-footing around or unwillingness to actually be in control, the fatal weakness I see in so many so-called leaders, especially at meetings. Usually it’s no desire to just step in and take charge, to be the person in charge, and most importantly, no desire to be the person who ultimately is responsible.

So right away he was asking questions, getting us to put out our schpiel, which after all was the reason we’d come on down. Again, I was reassured; I saw an engaged and proactive leader/manager, now that’s a breath of fresh air.

After some introductions and pleasantries he got things started by asking my boss, “So, do you have a canned brief, a formal pitch to make?” The answer was no, and this made him happy. Once again, I was heartened; a leader who doesn’t want canned information, but would prefer the give-and-take. And so he pounced, “So, as we talk is it okay if I just jump in, you know, interrupt a bit and ask questions, right?” Being polite and deferring to his seniority, my boss agreed instantly.

And our fate was sealed.

For the next 105 minutes, my side talked all of 15 minutes while this guy just talked and talked and talked and fucking nonstoppingly talked. It took me about ten minutes to see his ploy, to see his strategy, and it hit me like a gold-plated diamond bullet, the raw and brilliant clarity of it all: he’d asked us if he could interrupt, knowing full well that he was going to do just that the entire time. Our side, being gracious and being guests and all, and most importantly being subordinate in both rank and responsibility, of course deferred to his common and apparently genuine request. So, he had carte blanc to step all over anyone speaking, to just butt on in and start talking. And that’s exactly what the sonofabitch did the entire goddamn time. No one could even finish a sentence before this guy was talking. And no, it wasn’t questions about the project. And no, it wasn’t a professional give-and-take. No, it wasn’t staying on-task about the subject at hand. It was his asinine and stunningly narrow-minded and just flat-out wrong opinions and attitudes, his wrong ideas, his clear misunderstanding of some of the key aspects of the issue we were supposed to be working on together. It was us attempting to set the stage and/or answer his non-stop questions, which served as endless springboards for his observations, criticisms of the system/process/administration/(your issue here), and more questions that we would never be given a chance to answer.

His dynamic here is brilliant. The guy knows he’s a rude, interrupting ass, but he doesn’t really care. He is self-aware, and rather than adjust to the norms of others, he just sets the stage to make everyone conform to his setup. So rather than come off as a boor, he asks good naturedly before anything starts if he may have permission to do exactly what he’s planning to do anyway. Naturally, as obliging and courteous professionals we agree, and now he’s got us. The power exchange is made, and we agree to bow to his whims, incorrectly assuming that he’ll be generous and gracious and polite and over all, fair. Nope, not the case.

So, how do you deal with this? Well, the way we more or less chose by default is to be the pounded-flat opossum in the roadway of his personality. You agree to let him interrupt, so you just keep taking that 2x4 to the face, over and over, allowing him to be just as rude as he wants. That keeps him happy, and keeps things moving, more or less. He steamrolls, and we end up embedded in the pavement. As I saw at the meeting, it doesn’t ensure that anything will get done unless it’s exactly what he wants to have done, but it’s one approach. I guess you could say it provides the illusion of progress. Hey, we held a meeting; that’s something, right?

The other option is to be a rude and inconsiderate ass just like this guy, and just interrupt right back. Well, not really interrupt, but when he interrupts you—without even bothering to say “excuse me” or a similar polite introductory phrase—you just keep on talking. Essentially you ignore his interruption to complete your sentence or thought. You just trample his ideas and input in order to put out what he’s asked you for. So you become the selfish boor, just in trying to state the points that he’s invited you to the meeting to make.

It’s lose-lose for you, and win-win for him. Absolutely brilliant, if you ask me. But then again, he was the one who was the arrogant, selfish ass. And the senior guy, the “successful” guy.

And of course, nothing got done at the meeting. More are planned.