Mile High Club Hijinks=In-Flight Terrorism

Read this and tell me how the Patriot Act is being used by official, credentialed members of the US Security Establishment to make the Nation safer and more secure. Or maybe summamrize to your coffee klatch buddies how it's being used as a blunt instrument by whoever has the slightest, most tenuous connections to its provisions to intimidate and prohibit any activity some unnamed individual may find insulting, offensive, or distasteful.
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Mid-Flight Sexual Play Lands US Couple Afoul of Anti-Terrorism Law
14 Nov 06

A couple's ill-concealed sexual play aboard a Southwest Airlines flight from Los Angeles got them charged with violating the Patriot Act, intended for terrorist acts, and could land them in jail for 20 years. According to their indictment, Carl Persing and Dawn Sewell were allegedly snuggling and kissing inappropriately, "making other passengers uncomfortable," when a flight attendant asked them to stop.

Whoa, hold on there a second, since when it snuggling a kissing an illegal act? Since when is it illegal to make out with your girlfriend? So a passenger or two--or 37 for all I care--doesn't really like what they're seeing? My answer to that is TS, and mind your own goddamn business.

Now, the kicker comes when the outraged one or two or seven dozen, who won't do it themselves, find a pseudo-authority figure in the form of the flight attendent (FA) to intervene. If a flight attendant tells you to do something these days, if anything you'd better to listen to what you're being told. I'll give that much. But if a flight attendant told me to stop snuggling and kissing my wife, I'd politely ignore her and continue to do so. That's not within her bounds or authority, and I am not threatening the safety, security, or well-being of anyone else around me in doing what I'm doing. Disrupting their sensibilities? Yeah, maybe, but that's not my concern. If that's the issue, then I have the right to tell anyone anywhere what to do and what not to do, and that's just not allowed. If you don't like what you're hearing, stop listening and put on your cheapo airline headphones (at $7 for your 38-minute flight). And if you don't like what you're seeing, then don't look, thank you.

"Persing was observed nuzzling or kissing Sewell on the neck, and ... with his face pressed against Sewell's vaginal area. During these actions, Sewell was observed smiling," reads the indictment filed by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Okay, now the FBI has noted that they were nuzzling and kissing, on the neck, no less. Land o' Goshen! Git the feathers and a bucket of hot tar because two adults are expressing themselves. Jeezus Christ, how is it that this has become an issue?

Wait, "vaginal area?" What the hell is a "vaginal area?" Does he mean the entire Delta of Venus, the mons, the crotch, the entire area, or did randy Mr. Persing actually have his face pressed just to the area, maybe all of 3 or 4 inches square, truly, that is the opening of Ms. Sewell's delicate reproductive canal? Once again, the FBI--the folks who asked the Brisith novelist in his interrogation, "Just what kind of novels do you write, fiction or non-fiction?"--can't get the right words to describe what is going on. It's general, vague, and everyone maybe kind of gets the picture, or then again maybe not. When it comes down to court time, I think precision of language is going to be pretty important.

Now then, going down on your lady, even if both of you have your clothes on and you're just engaging in some pre-naked hijinks to get or keep your respective motors humming, is probably not a good idea in public. Yeah, that's taking the public display of affection a tad too far, and I don't have a problem with someone asking this to stop. I love a good bit of frottage as much as the next guy, Gawd knows that was my entire high school career, but not in an airplane with my closest neighbor right at my elbow, or all of 28" away across the aisle. Sorry, you two lovebirds, but that's a bit much. If you were that hot and ready, then the plane's restroom should've been your destination.

On a second warning from the flight attendant, Persing snapped back threatening the flight attendant with "serious consequences" if he did not leave them alone.

Bad idea, Persing. Shoulda stopped the first time, and let it go. Then you were dumb enough to actually make an issue out of it. Pretty stupid to come up with a threat, any kind of threat, especially when you're doing something inappropriate. Yeah, the FA is in charge of what goes on in the cabin, the pilot's/captain's officially designated representative to the passengers, so his/her word is official. Bad idea to go against that one.

The comment was enough to have the couple, both in their early 40s, arrested when the plane reached its destination in Raleigh, North Carolina, and charged with obstructing a flight attendant and with criminal association.

Yeah, I could see this arrest and charge coming before I even read the paragraph. Of course they're going to hammer them with obstructing a flight attendant. That's the wonderful catch-all. And these two horndogs brought it on themselves.

But criminal association? What the hell is that about? Is it going to be the FBI lodging RICO charges against them for conspiracy to achieve orgasmic fulfillment aboard an interstate conveyance, or something just as ridiculous? Criminal associaton? Not even something predictable like lewd and lascivious conduct, which are the words I was expecting to read.

They have been placed under legal surveillance until their trial on February 5. If found guilty, they both could be sent to jail for up to 20 years.

The whole 20 years is unlikely, although since the feds are involved someone likely will make an example out of them, just to show that the USofA will not be intimated by terrorists, extremists, malcontents, or the stupidly boner-influenced. I would expect a plea bargain to a lesser charge, no jail time, a big fine, and lots of probation. And a permanent place on the no-fly list. I really hope Mr. Persing doesn't like to travel, or travel a great deal for work. I doubt his company is going to like the idea of funding rental cars and train tickets.

Persing's lawyer William Peregoy said his client was not feeling well when he placed his head on his companion's lap, and that he only threatened the flight attendant with reporting him to his superiors on landing.

And Ms. Sewell was smiling that unrestrained, blissful smile because she was so happy to be there to make him feel all better. Yeah, yeah, typical American "it's not my fault" refusal to take responsibility for one's actions. I expect Mr. Persing also in the next day or two will become an alcoholic, will be found to have been suffering from a previously unknown psychotic disorder based on his just-recovered memories of years of sexual abuse as a child, and also to have been in the throes of a dangerous and unpredictable drug interaction, as well as (insert your overtired legal excuse here). It's not his fault, really. He only snapped at the FA because in his horrible delirium he thought she was a demon because he's a devout Christian and only those with malicious intent to delivere the word of the Devil would treat such a humble and wonderful person in such a manner.
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So what happens when I offend someone's sensibilities on my next flight? What happens if I have bad gas, and let a fart or two go, and it offends the lady next to me? Can she have me arrested under the Patriot Act? What if I'm listening to my Ipod, with my headphones on, and she just doesn't like that tinny little buzz-buzz that escapes? What if she doesn't like my cologne, or is offended by the fact that I'm wearing sneakers that look to her as if they were made by child labor in Myanmar? What if she doesn't like my moustache?

What if I want to read the Playboy magazine that I've brought aboard? I'm not ogling the photos or holding them up to corrupt the young and infirm. I'm just reading the fiction, or the interview, or the jokes, maybe even the Playboy advisor and its ideas on various sexual and non-sexual issues, the movie and music reviews. And someone wants me to put it down because they don't like what they're seeing? (For anyone who's read the magazine in the last couple of years, this is getting to be a more and more common occurrence.) The FA is asked to intervene because Neighbor X doesn't like Playboy or FHM or Stuff or Model Railroader or whatever it is that I'm doing that this person can make an issue out of in order to get more attention focused on themself, and asks me to put it away.

Now, I'm no screaming anarchist who wants to torch the Constitution, abolish taxes and stoplights, but then again I'll be goddamned if someone will tell me I am not allowed to peacefully read (text only, mind you, no pictures) something, be it Gone With the Wind, The Origin of The Species, Mein Kampf, Playboy, or L. Ron Hubbard's ridiculous screeds on global conspiracies and the ZOG. It's never happened to me, yet, and I'm not out for confrontation, but sitting here right now I think my answer to the FA would be a polite and respectful "I'm sorry, ma'am, but no." Reading a magazine, reading anything, regardless of its content is not a threat to anyone. A nuisance to one's sensibilities, sure, especially if the nosy matron sitting behind me is headed to her celibate Southern Baptist convention and she just can't stand the thought of a man reading articles or fiction that might have sexual content. But I'm sorry, she's got no right whatsoever to interrupt that.

For me, I could find reading the Bible or any other text of an organized religion to be just as offensive, in that I consider it all to be a series of ridiculous myths propagated as historical fact, and deceptive indoctrination into a false series of beliefs that promise something that can never be delivered. But that's just me. If you want to read it, have at it; it has nothing to do with me, and it's none of my business.

I would not be threatening or disrespectful to the FA, who after all is only doing his/her job. I would not raise my voice or get into any argument at all, just continue to politely refuse such an order. And if it went from there, I'd be happy to have those cuffs slapped on me, happy to get my mug shot taken and to appear in court with any numbmer of attorneys who'd be happy to take a case of a peaceful and unintimdating man denied his First Amendment right by people who believe it's their right to do so.

And it's not that big a leap to see that there are elements of this in how our government is treating us every day. Wake up, pay attention, and see where things are headed.