No Talking Jesus for Needy Tots

Toys for Tots Rejects Jesus Doll
14 Nov 06



A talking Jesus doll has been turned down by the Marine Reserves' Toys for Tots program. A suburban Los Angeles company offered to donate 4,000 of the foot-tall dolls, which quote Bible verses, for distribution to needy children this holiday season. The battery-powered Jesus is one of several dolls manufactured by one2believe, a division of the Valencia-based Beverly Hills Teddy Bear Co., based on Biblical figures.

Check out the company at http://www.one2believe.com/.

But the charity balked because of the dolls' religious nature.

Amazing. The military is one of the most conservative institutions in American society, and the US Marine Corps is probably the most conservative among the uniformed services, so for Toys for Tots to actually step up and make this decision is unbelievably informed, tolerant, and wise. I would've expected this decision later, after an initial approval, and after a long and public struggle over what toys should be accepted for redistribution and which should not.

I applaud Toys for Tots for this surprisingly respectful and thoughtful decision.

Toys are donated to kids based on financial need and "we don't know anything about their background, their religious affiliations," said Bill Grein, vice president of Marine Toys for Tots Foundation, in Quantico, VA.

As a government entity, Marines "don't profess one religion over another," Grein said Tuesday. "We can't take a chance on sending a talking Jesus doll to a Jewish family or a Muslim family."

Or a Rastafarian family, or agnostic or atheist, for that matter.


Matador Jesus.

Michael La Roe, director of business development for both (doll) companies, said the charity's decision left him "surprised and disappointed."

The cynic in me has this guy disappointed in that he can't seed 4,000 homes with little Jesuses, endlessly yammering away their happy AAA-powered Christian message, so LaRoe can sleep warm and snug at night telling himself and God Above that he is out there on the front lines fighting secularism and competing religions.

"The idea was for them to be three-dimensional teaching tools for kids," La Roe said. "I believe as a churchgoing person, anyone can benefit from hearing the words of the Bible."

Ah, now we get a lot more closer to the real motivation. So, the toys are not just a donation for children who can't get toys. It's not really about toys for tots, then. What LaRoe is saying is that he was hoping the kids would listen to and learn from the Jesus-doll messages. The jump to learning about, or wanting to learn more about the Christian way of life is not that big a one to follow, is it?

According to the company's Web site, the button-activated, bearded Jesus, dressed in hand-sewn cloth outfits and sandals, recites Scripture such as "I tell you the truth, no one can see the kingdom of God unless he is born again" and "Love your neighbor as yourself." It has a $20 retail value.

Hey, I'm all for positive, family-themed, peace-loving messages of mutual respect and assistance, like the "love your neighbor bit." You can't go wrong with that kind of advice, and it's just the kind of thing I teach in my atheist home: respect for others. But the first statement, the kingdom of God bit, sorry, Mister LaRoe, but that's nothing but pure, unadulterated Christian proselytization. A child hears his doll say this and has only two reactions, curiosity or fear.

The curious child wants to know more about the kingdom of God, so will start asking questions about it, the clear endstate question being, "Well, then, Talking Jesus, how do I get into this kingdom of God you speak of?" That's the desired path to the Bible, church, baptism, the whole nonexistent, hollow, controlling package.

The other reaction, fear, is the one that comes about from a child who knows she is not a Christian, and that the kingdom of God is not meant for her. Nothing like inducing a conversion, or at the very least calling into question the basis of another faith, by pandering to an emotion like fear. A child will want to get into the kingdom, and may just start herself down that path if you tell her she can't have it, that she won't get it unless something fundamental changes. And it's all about fundamentalism, right, LaRoe?


That's World Wrestling Action and/or Angry/Vengeful/Wrathful Jesus, by the way.

Grein also questioned whether children would welcome a gift designed for religious instruction. "Kids want a gift for the holiday season that is fun," he said.

Exactly! A million praises upon your head, Bill Grein, for speaking the plainest of plain truth. This program is about toys--toys!--not about instruction, about learning, and especially not about secular instruction. Once again I commend Toys for Tots for speaking clearly and truthfully. Grein probably will be vilified for speaking so directly, but he's spot-on.

Sorry, but unless Jesus transforms into a race car, or unless he flies around or explodes or shoots foam missiles out of his eyes and arms, or unless he's got gooey green snot dripping from him and attacks other toys, and unless you can do up his hair and make him up and wash him off, or unless he wets himself and burps over and over and over, closing his eyes as you lay him down in his little pink blanket with the Barbies and other dollies, what kid is going to want to play with him? Talking Jesus may make you and the other adults feel great about your good, good work on behalf of The Church, but kids don't care about that. I mean, c'mon, really, what kid wants to come down on Christmas morning--yeah, I know it's all about the birth of Jesus n' all--and not find a basketball or video game or bicycle or board game or race car or a real doll or an MP3 player or a cell phone, any other toy, and instead find a foot-tall Jesus who tells you to honor your parents and not covet things you don't have? Honestly.

The program distributed 18 million stuffed animals, games, toy trucks and other gifts to children in 2005.

Good on ya, Devil Dogs, active and Reserve, current and former/retired, young and old, and Toys for Tots too, both for this decision, and for all of the really, really good work you've done for decades, and continue to do.