"Smooth Jazz," My Ass

More anti-commercial radio rant:

Do the program directors really think we're that stupid when they put on their sultry baritone-voiced announcer to pour into our ear that we're listing to "Smooth Jazz" 107.3 or 106.5 or 105.9 or any other dial location in all of the major urban markets all over the country? Are they aware of the lie, the clear and cognizant misrepresentation of their product set, or do they really believe the crap they're shoveling to us?

Hey, I listen to the station. More correctly, my wife likes it, so it's on in the car and at home sometimes. It's her wake-up station on the alarm clock, so we usually get at least 20 minutes of it in the morning.

They do offer a modicum of smooth jazz. It's really radio-friendly jazz, commercialized and heavily produced formulaic stuff that is inoffensive and easy to spin. This is the David Benoit stuff, his cynical, over-produce "homage" work to Vince Guaraldi and such. All he's doing is jazzing-up original classics, nothing that deep or talented there.

Then there's Fourplay and John Tesh, the likes of Kenny G. and Yanni. It's all mass-market jazz-pablum, formulaic and predictable, the chords and the harmonies always going in the direction you want them to go. It's cafeteria jazz, easy and accessible, the kind you can tap your foot along with.

But then they Marvin Gaye singing "Sexaual Healing" or "What's Going On." Or any other R&B oldies. Or Earth, Wind and Fire playing "Let's Groove." Now, that's post-disco Top 40. Yeah, the listeners like it, I guess. I'm sure the number support the listener base, but it's not smooth jazz. Not in the least.

If you want smooth jazz, tap into the current genre of lounge and chill. There are tons of very smooth, very cool, and yet highly accessible tunes available there. I offer Digby Jones' "Pina Colada Mix" or Italian Secret Service's "Via Beato Angelico." Or try St. Germaine's "Good Thing" or Minnie Ripperton's "I'm the Black Gold of the Sun." There are tons of great tunes out there, good smooth jazz, if you've just got the courage to find them and then play them.

But then again, commercial radio is not about that. It's about making money, whcih means maximizing listener numbers in order to cram more commercial time into the hour. So, expect smooth jazz to keep playing Top 40 and MOR crap from now until the end of time. More than enough reason to take your business and attention to XM, as I've done in one vehicle, and soon enough in my second car. And then soon after that, into the house so we can bag this commercial radio bullshit for good.