Maudlin Dog Drama Trumps Real Life

LOS ANGELES--Ellen DeGeneres' talk show was put on hold for a day because of her emotionally wrenching dog-adoption drama. "It's been a long week and a hard week and we decided to take a long weekend and be back on Tuesday," said Laura Mandel, a spokeswoman for the company which produces "The Ellen DeGeneres Show." DeGeneres was scheduled Thursday to tape shows to air Friday and Monday. Instead, the tapings were canceled and reruns featuring Star Blah and Hollywood Flack Bleh-Bleh will air on those days. A newly taped is planned Tuesday.

Thank Bog there's going to be some new shows. How could I face an entire week without some new Ellen material? I had already gotten out the toaster and set it next to the rapidly filling bathtub when I got the happy news. Now I don't have to run away from it all.

The battle over Iggy, a Brussels Griffon terrier mix, pitted DeGeneres against an animal rescue agency and, at one point, had her in tears on her show. The agency's owners complained of receiving death threats over the dispute.

Yeah, I'll believe that. There are more than enough self-absored folks who would phone in a threat of violence over the petty details of a B-list TV hack, more than enough sad and pathetic schlubs who have no idea how to live their own lives, so choose to live the life of the celebrity they'd most like to be.

DeGeneres adopted the dog, then gave it to her hairstylist's family after the dog, despite training, couldn't get along with the comedian's cats, her publicist has said. Marina Batkis and Vanessa Chekroun, owners of the nonprofit Mutts and Moms agency, claimed that DeGeneres violated the adoption agreement by not informing them that she was giving the dog away and removed Iggy from the hairstylist's home Sunday.

That sounds pretty clear-cut. Did Ellen sign a form? If she did, and those words were on the form, then the dog folks were fully within their rights to seize the animal. You have to read the contracts you sign, people. That's why there are millions of folks whining about "losing their homes," blaming others on the fact that you were too lazy to read a binding legal contract upon which you put your signature.

DeGeneres pleaded for Iggy's return to the hairstylist on Tuesday's show. She said her hairdresser's daughters, ages 11 and 12, were heartbroken when the dog was taken away. But Mutts and Moms' owners were adamant about their decision, and a spokesman for Batkis said she wouldn't be "bullied around by the Ellen DeGenereses of the world."

Good on ya, dog people. Stick it to the self-righteous celebs who think that because they get everything they want on the set and within their social and professional circles, that they can act exactly the same out here in the Real World with people like us. Stand your ground, dog people.

At a taping of the show Wednesday, DeGeneres told the audience she wouldn't talk about the matter again unless Iggy was returned to her hairdresser.

Right, and then she could just yap her self-righteous ass off, telling everyone how she had won, how she had prevailed, how she had, by the force of her will and determination and using every ounce of her blingind star-power, had made it all better for the Dresser of the Hair, and for the doe-eyed innocents of the Dresser of the Hair.

How clever of Ellen to make that statement. She looks strong, but I see it as a concession of weakness. She did all of the bullshit emotional stuff, playing to the audience, playing to the camera, using every shallow emotional tool she could get her hands on, and of course, the death threats from the vapid fans that were generated by the maudlin emotional appeal. And gosh, none of that worked. The Dog People amazingly stood their ground.

So now what, Ellen? Seems to me from what's presented here that you did sign a contract, and your crack legal team has now pointed that out to you and told you that the only way the Dresser of the Hair et al. get their doggie back--which you abandoned after it just didn't fit well in your realm--is if the Dog People find it in their hearts to make it happen. That's a loss, Ellen, no two ways about it.

And your statement very cleverly kind-of restores you to moral authority, stating implicitly that you'll take the high ground and not discuss it any further until the hairdresser gets the dog. Well, that pretty much means that you don't have to debase yourself anymore in a cause that you lost, and that you would apparently continue to lose. You've promised to revisit the issue, but only if you win. How's that for the honest moral stand, for boldly standing up for what you believe in, saying that you'll only address the crisis again if it's on your terms and if you've succeeded? Looks to me like you haven't learned a thing at all.

Housewives Pounding on Philippine Med Schools

Makers of the hit US television series "Desperate Housewives" have apologised for a slur against Filipino medical workers that caused an uproar in the Southeast Asian country. The apology was sent to Philippine broadcaster ABS-CBN's bureau in the United States and aired in the Philippines on Thursday following protests by the Manila government.

Point of fact: It was a slur on Philippine medical education professionals, not medical workers. It implies medical workers, but does not specifically target them.

"The producers of 'Desperate Housewives' and ABC Studios offer our sincere apologies for any offense caused by the brief reference in the season premiere," cable news channnel ANC quoted the statement as saying.

Ah, there it is. The perfect hollow blanket apology. But it's not an apology, not at all. This is more of an insult than an apology, and both the ones making it and the ones receiving it ought to know as much. This is not an apology for writing the term, approving the term, speaking the term in counteless rehearsals and then for keeps on film, and then actually airing the term, but an apology for offense that may have been caused. This is ABC saying, "I'm sorry that for whatever reasons that might be deeply personal and meaningful to you--but not necessarily having anything to do with us and our show and the way we work and think and write and make money--that YOU didn't like this part of our show." Read that and understand it: no one has said they were sorry for writing it, uttering it or airing it; they are apologizing to YOU for the way YOU might feel. This is like someone who will tell you, "Oh, I'm so sorry," when you tell them you have a tummy ache. At best it's commiserating. At worst, it's snide and condescending, and I have to come down on the side of snide where it comes to US Television and how they view anything that intereferes with their pursuit of money and money and then some more money.

"There was no intent to disparage the integrity of any aspect of the medical community in the Philippines," it said.

Now this is a lie. It was written and performed, and is nothing but a direct and ugly slight upon the reputation of medical education in the Philippines, plain and simple.

I'm surprised the folks who wrote this and produced it let this slip by. No one ever said, "Hey, we'll probably get some blowback on this wisecrack about Philippine med schools," not ever? I'm smart enough to recognize the negative possibilities here, and I'm not even a television programming professional, just a humble watcher (although not of wretched, unimaginative, formulaic glop like this particular program). You'd think that if they were that good, they'd notice. But, wait . . . maybe . . . just maybe, they noted it and chose to leave it in. I can see the boardroom disucssion now:

Writer-Hack: The script is ready, JB, but some of the writing team have expressed concerns over what could be considered as a slight upon the Philippines and its medical eduction system when Teri says--
Studio Exec: Yeah, I've seen it. It stays in.
W-H: But, JB --
SE: It stays in, you dummy. When the Philippine government and its embassies around the world get a hold of this, we'll have weeks of more publicity, all for free. Don't you get it--they speak English, and they're foreign at the same time! It's perfect. The public will eat it up, and we'll get more viewers. Then more ad revenue. More sports cars for me and you can make your rent on time this month.
W-H: But what about the insult?
SE: Who gives a shit, son? After a day, we'll release the standard, no-fault, meaningless apology. We save face, they save face, and both of us get the mileage out of the situation that we want. It's win-win.
W-H: But, JB, what about the moral implicatons of . . .
SE: Jeezus, flunky, am I paying you for moral implicatoins? Now get out and write me something nasty about Burkina Faso for next week!

The episode showed actress Teri Hatcher, who plays Susan Mayer, asking during a medical consultation to check "those diplomas because I want to make sure that they're not from some med school in the Philippines."

Actually, that's pretty funny, and totally in keeping with her (predictable) character.

I'm surprised they didn't go after an easier and even funnier target, like Cambodia, Latvia (it just sounds funny!) or Kyrgystan.

The apology was made a day after chief aide to Philippine President Gloria Arroyo said the line of dialogue appeared to be a "racial slur."

No, Gloria's Chief Aide, that's not a racial slur. Nothing was said about any ethnic group whatsoever. No disparaging remarks were made about a specific person or group of persons; the insult was to an institution. Philippine citizens are not a unique racial grouping by themselves; there is no Philipppine race. Just ask your ethnic Chinese about that assertion, or your Moros, the Maguindanaoans, the folks from northern Luzon, the seriously ethnically diverse indigenous peoples of interior Mindanao. No, the Philippines forms a distinct national identity, at least that's what the country has been trying to do for a number of decades now, with highly debatable success. But this particular insult is not racial, not at all. You saying that it's racial is sure to grab headlines, make your boss and you look tough and concerned, and communicate to the little people that you're their tireless champion--hey, that's politics. But it's not racial.

Philippine Senators said the apology was not enough, and urged their Foreign Affairs Department to lodge a formal protest with the US government. "I am mortally offended by the statement because it betrayed the racial prejudice and denigrates the excellent performance of world-class Filipino doctors in the US," said Senator Miriam Santiago, whose sister is a doctor working in Los Angeles.

Yeah, go ahead, send a demarche to the US State Deparment. Their response: "Uh, we've got this thing called the First Amendment here, and unless it's less than two seconds of an exposed yet partially covered African American nipple or a couple having sex in a confessional, then we're really not inclined to intervene."

Same thing, Senator, not racist. Prejudice, yeah, you've probably got a point there, as in prejudice against the nature of medical eduction in the Philippines, but it's not racist. And actually, this insult has nothing to do with the 'performance of world-class Filipino doctors,' in the US or anywhere else. This statement was about a Philippine med school, which is an indictment of the medical education system in your Republic, not of the performance of its graduates, in the US, Philippines or anywhere else.