Imagined "Bless You" Etiquette

I was in a rather formal meeting the other day when one of the guys blew out a big sneeze. He didn't blow his stop and scream, like some morons, and he didn't do one of those ridiculous Georgia Peach squeaks, he just sneezed, like any normal person would do. No problem, we're humans, it happens.

And right away a lady across the table from him chimed in with a perfectly inflected and clearly audible, "God bless you." She wanted it heard, and she made sure she was heard, despite the fact that the senior guy at the head of the table was talking about something his boss had directed to be a priority.

Okay, to me that's a rude interruption to a meeting. Not the sneeze, but the "God bless you." That is trampling over the talking of someone who is organizationally senior to you, as well as just downright rude to do in any kind of civil conversation. You wouldn't just blurt out, "Give me a pencil," or "What's for lunch?" in that meeting environment, would you? No, of course not. That would be rude, insensitive, shallow, and just plain stupid. So why is a clear and emphatic "God bless you" tolerated?

Of course, it's a religion thing, at least on its face. Who's going to tell anyone, man or woman, to keep their "God bless you" to themselves? Who's going to open that religious freedom can of worms and actively tell someone to save it for a more appropriate venue? Certainly not me. Someone who would be that bold and to my mind that rude to give a "God bless you" in that context would have more than enough spine and self-righteousness to dump all over anyone who even hinted at disparaging--although it would not be disparaging, not at all--their religious beliefs.

So, the pointed "God bless you" was delivered, and after a slight pause, at which point the issuing lady looked up just enough to make her movement visible, the sneezing guy offered, "Thank you."

Okay, we're back to trampling over the talk of the boss in a formal meeting. We're once again back to interrupting, being rude, and disregard of common courtesy. Oh well.

To my reading, sneezing guy didn't want to say, "Thank you," but that little movement of Godblessyou Girl forced him into the move. He'd just sneezed, and she'd ratcheted up the unspoken tension in the room by inviting in God and her religion and her clearly focus on self-righteousness. So, he was now, in the space of only a couple of secons, open to a perception of being rude and disrespectful of her beliefs, and even openly disrespectful of Gawd, up there on his golden throne. So, he had to give the "thank you," whether he wanted to or not. Too much pressure, right there in the room, the 12 folks at the table and the others sitting against the walls. Never mind the boss was trying to communicate something important; the sneeze and its aftermath had altered it all.

And of course, this all took place in the space of about five seconds. Godblessyou Girl got her thank-you, and she mumbled a barely audible, "You're welcome," and graciously relinquished control of the meetin back to the boss.

I thought that was an amazing interaction.

Me, I don't say a word if someone offers a "God bless you" or even a "Bless you" if I happen to sneeze in their presence. No, religion and God or Vishnu or the Buddha or Allah or Yahweh or Old Scratch had nothing to do with me sneezing. It's a purely physical bodily reaction to an olfactory stimulus to expel what the body determines to be a threat, and/or a foreign presence. The body's defenses kick in, and you explode briefly to get that schtuff right on out. Actually, I find it rather enjoyable, that tension, the rapid building of the tension to a very tight, coiled, highly pressured moment of almost unbearable compression, and then the explosive release, both physical and mental. But spiritual? No. Yeah, there are more than a few sexual comparisons to this building of tension, and the pleasure at release. I enjoy sneezing, and it feels good.

Why should I enable someone else's religious beliefs by giving in to their "God bless you?" I don't believe in any of that crap, so why should I acknowleged it, legitimize it by saying "thank you?"

Of course, this is usually taken as rudeness. I'm not a militant atheist; I'm a Golden Rule guy. I'm not going to smack someone down for saying something religious, not unless they're cramming it down my or someone else's throat. And I don't take a "God bless you" that way. It's a basic politeness, and I can accept it as that, but usually I won't give a thank-you for that.

Naturally, there have been folks that have gotten made. I can't really be concerned with that. If they get upset over something petty like this, then they'll find something else to tick them off anyway.